Present

In 5 years, would we wonder how we were back then in our early 30s? Would we seat around at a coffee table with all the 20s and may be 15s hovering around us in skimpier clothes? Would we just sip our wine and champagne and talk about how life has changed for good after all?

Talking about this, with my girl best friends, D just said, we were and are living our age. Are you? Did we? Or Will us? Nobody knows, but I hardly remember being 25 anymore. I don’t remember the dreams I had back then. I don’t remember the wishes either. Or any other things I care about quite really. All I remembered, I have gained a bunch of friends and I am proud to tell that they are my friends. Be it Preeti, Annie, Dubey, AM, Sanju… then I moved on, and met set of two more wise women, Shelly and Chitra. Then I got married to this MAN, still unknown to me at times. However the life seems to be perfect. I don’t need anyone else by my side. For now.

Talking about things of the future, nobody knows really what is going to happen. Certainly not me. All I know life cannot be more perfect than it is right now. 

A funny thing.. a heart break!!! A funny thing..... friendship!!

This is going to be my unedited, grammatically incorrect post. May be or may be not. But who cares? At least I don't. Period.

Yes! I am writing. I am writing again and this time after two years, for another two years. May be. Who knows?

In these two years, I have had my share of heart breaks. It has pained so much and I have been saying this repeatedly that the pain was excruciating. The heart break has been haunting me day and night. The more I want to let it go the more this feeling gets synch in to the system. Making it wrench even more than the last time.

Why this happened? It is because of a Novel I have been reading. A sequel of The (In)eligible bachelor, I do! Do I?

Its like torturing yourself knowingly. No! Its not about the novel. I have loved every bit of it. Loved it to the core. However it has provoked me to think. Provoked me this much that I am writing a post about it.

Interesting!! Isn't it? After reading an interesting paragraph in the novel about being in Love, I wrote to Him.

"Hmmm.. how do I start this? I haven't talked about it since July 29, 2012. I didn't wish to start this again either. I have completely ignored it and thrown out of the system. I have decided to never ever mention it again to anyone, specially to You.

I have put myself again in a kind of situation today. I was reading a novel, (ohh!! I bought a whole new lot. BTW). Yes! I have been reading and it suddenly felt right (or wrong may be) to share my heart with you.

One side of mind tells me to shut up and wind this up and strangulate my throat before uttering a single word. I know this won't go anywhere. And another half is screaming at the top of its voice to make myself very loud and clear. I shut up my fickle mind.  Here is what I want to say:

When we love someone, we knew it ever before we know. it's like your soul hears your heart before you hear it. Love reaches somewhere deep inside us long before it becomes apparent. Being in love with you has made it apparent. Despite trying hard to ignore you, hate you and put you out of the system completely. I still find myself, hopelessly in love with you. Yes! you heard it right. I still do. I am still in love with you head over heels.

I have to be truthful to someone and I don't have anyone else but you to share this. I cant get over you. I just cant. Everyday a part of me is trying to fight, show and prove it to myself that I can handle this. However I am unable to. I am unable to flush you out. I don't know why. It may be because I fell in love at a wrong age where its so difficult to get over the heart break."

Message sent on whatsapp and the night revolved around those two blue ticks. Huh!! I loathe you Whatsapp!! You son of @3$$%$##

The moment I shared this message with Him, I instantly checked last seen time of SS. In this whole world I know, SS is the only one person I can be brutally honest with. I shared the message with her with the hope that she wont read it right now. I din't want to talk to anyone about it. I wanted to let the moment pass.

The moment I sent the message, she came online, read the message in a jiffy and instantly sent the reply to me. "Awwww! I can understand.."

I know she can. I know all my girl friends can. I know I can too. Sometimes, we just chose to ignore. Despite living in so much knowledge, we chose to ignore. We all know, Ignorance is bliss. May be.

She listened to me patiently. Letting me whine for no reason. Letting me be me. The feeling of letting it go started dwelling in again. I resigned it to the fate again. As they say, lets just give time some time. I gave time some time yet again. I dint cry. Yes! I dint. The tears have also dried up now, they don't even come out of eyes, forget about rolling down to the cheeks.

The night passed as if there was no night at all. I woke up or I might have not slept a single minute. The dark cloud that has hovered around in the night disappeared suddenly. The sun seemed to be more clear. My room has a little access to sun rays, yet it was shinning bright.

Sometimes, its good to just vent out. Its good to share your heart out with two of your best friends, Her and Him (he is also the person I am in love with). Its good to be yourself, at your unadulterated best. Its just good for a more clearer vision...

This leave you.. A little more mature... a little more wise..

(P.S. - In the morning, I thought she will ask me about my mood. All she asked, what time I slept?
I told her about the "words of wisdom"  the enlightenment I had in the morning and and the time I slept.
She, as expected, asked me with a profound scolding, what were you doing till 4:00 AM? Wink. Wink.)

Funny things... these friendship and these break ups!!! 

A STRANGE RENDEZVOUS

A week before, my chum-bum friend, "D" had told me to write an article for something personal. As a content writer, I often have to prove my worth as a writer. I have been told to write about “You just saw a ghost, and it was nothing like what you have heard from people, and what you have seen in movies. Now that you know what a ghost is, let the world know!”

I am somebody who never wanted to see this facet of society. I don’t deny the existence of this world. However, I am still not interested to find out the surreal-reality of it. As, I had just a day to finish it, I read on net, went through zillion of blogs, tortured R, P, S and C a lot to get an idea about what to write. If you think I am afraid of this side, then my answer would not be in denial.

I think by watching horror movies, reading novels & stories about them, and visiting the places, you create a negative aura around you. It doesn’t bring out any emotional upheavals, and we often experience worse mental conditions. I am a very positive person and usually shut down my brain, when anything of this sort comes into picture. Dealing with the thoughts about what to write, I decided to take help from A. As expected, he did lend his hand and came up with a brilliant idea of this story. So you now know, it is not my original idea, however, I did craft it. So, read on: 

A STRANGE RENDEZVOUS

On the cold and frosty evening of winters in Ohio on December 22^nd, 1991, I was working as a Front Desk Officer with Rolls Royce Radios Service Center. Everyone had left the office at usual time. I had pending orders to be filed so I decided to stay up late in office. At around 7 PM, I heard a few footsteps at the entrance. I peeped from my desk to check who had turned up at such a late hour of the day. There was an old man, in his late 80’s who had came with a problem in his radio set.

 He had a limited edition old radio set, Rolls Royce Tourer 1910 Silver Ghost SD 8451, which our company had stopped manufacturing long back. I asked the gentleman about his query. He informed that his radio didn’t power on at all. I looked at the time, it was getting real late to catch the last bus to my route. As there was no engineer available, I told him to come the next day during working hours.

He was reluctant to go and despite his old age, he didn’t have wrinkled hands or face, had a very crisp and clear voice, pale skin, skinny hands, and stooped a little. He had this strange and irk look at his face and didn’t blink his eyes at all. He was constantly looking towards the exit and appeared to be turning away from me. He was in a hurry to end the conversation and repair his radio set as soon as possible. He continued to be eerily quiet person, however his actions were showing his eagerness to complete the task, which surprised me in an unpleasant way.

I couldn’t say no to him and thought to help him out of my wish. Though, power on is a common problem. As I lack in technical knowledge, I decided to call one of the technical guys in office. He asked me to check the in-line fuse found in the radio’s power cord. It was burnt out and that was preventing the radio from powering on. I hooked the power connectors to the battery terminals again as instructed, black to black and red to red. The radio was working fine. I shook hands with him for the success. His firm and cold grip gave me shiver down my spine.

 I asked the gentleman to sit for a while, till I processed the bill and made an entry of the glitch in the company records. I noted down the model name and number and went inside the billing room to get the printed bill. When I returned to my desk after 5 minutes, I didn’t find him anywhere. I hurriedly went to gate man to enquire about the old man. He refused to see any person other than me in office from last two hours. I came back to my desk and check the records of those limited edition radios. I narrowed down my search to Mr. James McGill who bought the radio set on December 22^nd, 1911 on his 50^th anniversary….

P.S. - A told me to declare him dead as per my company records, however, I cling on this ending. I am not coming up with any Part-II of this story and make it more cliche'. So, just read-on as it is. Happy Reading!!

Unsynchronized Thoughts, $#!+, and Crap…

Its been quite a while since I blogged, literally, 4 months. It wasn’t like I am keeping myself busy, or I have loads of work to do, or I have my weight loss regime. (Hope, u dint forget the main motive of this blog), I am still able to follow the pursuit. I am still trying (all my AOL friends, can you please neglect this term) to lose those extra kilos. ;)

That’s again not the point of this blog. 2011 is coming to end soon, technically, in 20 days. I didn’t want to bid usual adieu to 2011. The year, just passing by, was a very action-packed year. Ha ha ha!! Not really.

Neither, I want to write about the year gone by, nor I wanted to tell you about any vacation spot, I just visited.  FYI! I didn’t take any visit to any holiday spot in years now. No, no, I am not old enough for the excitement and thrill comes with the tour. However, half of the time, I am money deprived.

You know, not writing your blog regularly, leaves you with one thing, rather, one thought. What should you write about? Seriously, there are zillions of happening-and-not-so-happening events happen on a daily basis, that you lose count. Anyways, who wants to count them? I don’t.

Damn! I am turning into such a dreary person, or maybe I am turning into an “A” class bitch, who ill-speaks about her flat mates? Who is never happy? Who gets pissed off with everyone very easily? Who fights with her best friends every now and then? Who judges every human being possible on this earth? Naah!!! I dishonor all the allegations and those heads, which are nodding on most of the points stated above.

You know, what is the bestest thing happened this year. I came back to Sadhana, Satsang and Seva – The 3 “S” of The ART OF LIVING. I feel more close to SRI SRI now. 

My birthday came and went with bag full of memories. Few made it damn special and made me experience, OUT OF THE WORLD feeling. Sheer Bliss!!

 I watched Rockstar and The DIRTY Picture in office. My office pays me for watching movies and writing blogs in office. I know downloading is piracy and all that. I didn’t do it, somebody else did it. Don’t put unnecessary blame on me. I won’t say it was great.  A lot have been said and wrote about the movies. I am no one to comment about them. Undoubtedly, a big-round of applause for Ranbir Kapoor and Vidya Balan. Brilliant is the word for your performances. Both the movies has dreadful ending, and I am a person, who watches movies for ENTERTAINMENT and a HAPPY ENDING. Both of them failed to make me smile and left with a Phew!! Moment rather, they left me with, WTF!! Seriously.  I personally feel a lot could have been done.

I am still trying to re-discover this species, Men, actually, HIM. I still don’t understand HIM. I am also guilty of letting him affect me way too much. I will NEVER improve. It’s utter gibberish, if you expect me to.

I still don’t understand “Why this Kolaveri Di?”, though a very close friend did send me the message, telling me the meaning of every Tamil word used in the song. I cannot sing it properly. (FYI, I have a good voice).  I don’t know what makes this song so famous? May be the catchy lyrics, correct rhythm, or is it because; Dhanush is THE RAJNIKANT’s son-in-law. Hey! Have you noticed, even MS-word, didn’t give spell error check under RAJNIKANT, if written in all CAPS.  

Facebook has turned out to be an addiction. I literally kill hours on it. I still don’t know, what is there in FACEBOOK, which makes it so addictive? Do we really want to know, what is happening with other person’s life? When we LIKE the statuses, or write LOLz on the most of the comments, do we really like them or feel like commenting on them? Or, is it mere social obligation to do it? Why we don’t have every friend’s contact number saved on our phonebook, if it is very important to talk to them at wee hours? Why do we write messages tagging other person, stating, phone utha on their FB walls? That means, no matter what, you will be up on Facebook, neglecting the PHONE? Seriously.  Nobody knows the answer to all my questions and no one wants to know either.

I am SEARCHING for a JOB. My present JOB sucks!! Big time. I am UNDER-UTILIZED! I really think, I am a good resource for the company, if they know how to take WORK outta me. Lolzz! 

And yes! Weight loss regime is still on, with no weight reduction as such. With this pace, I doubt, it gonna take decades. :P :P May be, I will motivate myself and will lose some more before the next post. With that note, this Hardly-Working Stupendous, puts a full-stop on these Unsynchronized Thoughts, $#!+ and Crap.