The Apple and Me

You know what’s my favourite fruit? 

Nobody asks those slam-book questions anymore and you don’t even bother to notice either.

I don’t remember asking this to my parents or my partner either. But today, when I was unwell, Annie told me to have stewed apple for energy and to soothe my sore throat.

Funny enough, while I was stewing the apple myself (because honestly, it felt like more effort to explain it to Vimla than to just do it), I realised something: I’ve always loved apples. They have been my comfort fruit, always! 

Not that I go crazy when I see them at a hotel buffet or a marriage reception. But apples have always been my go-to fruit. They are fuss-free, available in every season, everywhere, and still easy on the pocket.

Isn’t that how I am too? A little apple-like in life. No fuss, no tantrums, just there when needed. 

Like they say, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” I’d like to think I’m that kind of apple too… comfort for many. The messages from friends, family, and office colleagues checking in on me when I fell sick felt no less than a blessing.

And one thing is for sure .. a few people will remember this apple 🍎 (:-p sentimental thoughts courtesy of 100+ fever!). I know I will be hurting a lot of people with this line and will get an earful but no gyaan here!

But here’s the funny thing about adulting. In my teenage years or even in my 20s, I would proudly say that Asha Bhonsle and Kishore Kumar were my favourites and that no one could match them. 

Now that I’m closer to 40, I have realised Lata Mangeshkar is the OG. There is no harm in agreeing with what the majority also says… I don’t mind having the same opinion as herd. 

Or like my favourites are Jagjit Singh, Gulzar Saab and then, my taste for Ghalib developed in last couple of months. 

Even for, food.. I have been experimental. I have tried mutton and liked it. People used to say, real meat lovers would prefer mutton over chicken. Well, I don’t know whether I would pick either but that taste was something my palette held well. 

Also, whisky and scotch became a latest add on too, leaving behind my G&T legacy. 

Earlier I used to think, having a different opinion felt like being “special.” 

But now, with age, I don’t mind being part of the crowd, adopting what the majority of us do and love.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped needing to be different for the sake of it. I no longer mind being part of the collective, embracing what the world also cherishes.

Maybe that’s what adulthood really does…  it softens the edges. It teaches us that being unique isn’t always about standing apart.. sometimes it’s about standing with. 

I guess that’s what being apple-like really means:

- Simple, but still holding its own.

- ⁠Not exotic, but timeless.

- ⁠Not rare, but dependable.

- ⁠And even if everyone has tasted it, each bite can still feel personal. :-P 

Maybe that’s what I have become too.. an apple after all. 🙂

The beautiful change

I choose words from your vocabulary and use them all day long – at least, in language – we are one!

I remember things about you I shouldn’t remember, what you wore on Wednesday, when we started talking, the way your eyes are the perfect shade of greyish brown, the way your hair look different every time, your moving of hands while talking, your everything and everything about you!

It’s strange how you’ve become a part of my everyday.. in my thoughts, in the way I notice the world, in the pauses between my sentences. Sometimes, I catch myself smiling for no reason, only to realise it’s because something reminded me of you.

You live quietly in the little things… just yesterday, you were the song playing somewhere, or the way I like my coffee now, or how I’ve started liking things I never did before. It’s like you’ve left pieces of yourself with me, without even trying… without even saying! 

And maybe I never said it out loud, but being around you feels like home, so warm, calm, and full of a thousand little moments I never want to forget.

You’ve changed something in me. The way I feel things now has more depth. I notice beauty more, I pause more, I feel more. It’s like you’ve slowed time just enough for me to truly live in it. I never knew someone’s presence could do that… your presence could do that! 

There’s a quiet courage in me now; to speak, to care, to be real. Maybe because you made it feel safe. Like being myself wasn’t something I had to earn, just something I could be. That’s rare, and it’s everything.

Even on the hard days, just a thought of you softens something inside me. You make the world feel a little less heavy, a little more possible… a little too easy to deal! 

In your quiet, effortless way, you’ve made a home in me. 

And even if I never find the perfect words to say it, just know that something in me changed the day you walked in and it’s the most beautiful change I’ve known.

That’s my way, Mahi Way!

Bachpan se mujhe serials dekhne ka bahut shauk tha, may be woh shauk mummy se laga tha.. ab 90s mein bhi Mummy Swabhimaan VCR pe record karke dekhi thi.  

So.. you can imagine, TV ka keeda toh mujhe kaatna hi tha. Main jab 20 saal ki hui toh TV pe YFilms (Yash Raj ka TV production) ne kuch revolutionised content nikala. baakiyo ka mujhe pata nahi, but mere liye woh content bahut manaye rakhta tha.

Aaj bhi agar main poochun, toh shayad hi kissi woh serials yaad honge but jahan logon ne woh wala Era dekha yah suna nahi, maine shayad jeeya hai.. & that's an old page from my diary, I keep visiting!

 Woh TV pe you know “content” dekhte dekhte main kuch bahut content (hindi mein sukhi) ho jaati thi and apni hi ek duniya bana leti thi.

Aisa ek serial joh main shayad 15-16 saalon baad bhi apne aap se nahi nikal nahi paayi hun.. was Mahi Way. Mahi Way was a story of a 25 years old, overweight girl whose dad was supportive, a brother and sister (well like any other siblings) and a Mom who gives marriage a big importance in life, rather an achievement. 

Over achiever Behan and Judgmental bhai ke beech mein.. office crush se le kar, apne neighbour ka aapse bachpan se pyaar hone tak.. woh serial ne mujhe Delhi se and apne aap se pyaar karna seekha diya. 

She was an agony aunt column writer in a magazine, who used to probably solve third world problems in a jiffy. Being bullied for weight, being supported by best friends and having back of the father was something I could relate the most.

I was always an obese kid (well, I still am) and till certain years ago, people did not look me beyond my weight.  

With multiple boy friends, a heart break because of weight, and in a quest for love … Mahi started to love herself... something I did. I had my share of heartbreaks and unlike Serial, neither my best friend fell in love with me nor my ex boy friend came back to sweep off my feet.  

Despite, facing many challenges.. Mahi did not give up on herself nor on her dreams; just because she was supposed to get married to the most eligible bachelor in town.

Well, I could relive all the 25 episodes of that series in my gut. I have cried, I have laughed and in my brain.. I have given hundreds of answers to people who demeaned me. Inspite of having an epic sense of humor, my confidence was always a low key.

But, then the serial changed something in me. I dont know.

Should I give the entire credit to “Mahi Way” or to those multiple failed relationships, that taught me something... or the support of my friends, of my partner or of my family, or the biggest supporter of my life - me, myself!

How you see me today, was not the same Richa I used to be. I used to hide behind my best friends too, did not have confidence to swim in public, even for small portions of food.. I had to justify that I don't eat that much.

A hundreds of tests, a thousands of judgments, a millions of judged eyes I have passed through and reached here, where I am today! And I am fucking proud of it.

As they say, you cannot change the people around you, but you can always change the circumstances... I did change it and own the bitch called life!

To that 23 something Richa, if I could ever go back in time.. I might have stopped her from making some mistakes, made her learn the best of everything and showed her that life is beyond rejections, heartbreaks, falling in and falling out of love.

All this while, looking for mere wala ishq, joh mujhe ab mujhse hai!

Just like Mahi - I have my own lessons to share, my own heart breaks to deal with, my own people to fell out of love for.

The crush you think was love, was only a crush, the dream job you thought you had, wasn’t probably your dream job... and the person you made plans to be with it, wasn't THE ONE either. 

Toh kya hua, that life did not move the way you have planned it. So what, that the 38 year Richa is still stuck somewhere between 23 year old one.. 

The real struggle is to find yourself, in the chaotic and the silent world, that's the real deal. 

And, the sooner one realises it, learns it, the better.. after all, that’s what they say, that’s the way, Mahi Way!

P.S. - Following the same tradition of watching "Mahi Way," once in every 2-3 years.I watched last episode aired again and the flashback of entire series ran through my mind, telling me why I fell in love with myself, in the first place