Monday, December 29, 2025

Calm and Chaos

And I stepped into the chaos of city, the hustle bustle of running a house, a partner whose antics is beyond my comprehension… I am feeling alone, not lonely, but alone, as I miss the noise of people I love.

Landing in this quiet, where I can hear the clock ticking, the steps of help roaming in the house, an unfinished series which I can now watch on TV rather than on my phone.. I feel a little empty inside.

I have returned with a full heart and pretty sure, I am unsure where to place it. 

The one who can hold it, keep it safe, is far away in a foreign land, the one who are here who can put a bandaid to it, are moving away… 

That feeling may not make a lot of sense.. to coming back from warmth, people, noise… to a pause can feel unexpectedly hollow. 

They want me to come along and take a vacay with the girl friends.. I dont know what I am scared of, I don’t know what holds me back.. Between these departures and still open plans that didn’t happen, I sit with a quiet I didn’t ask for.

Everyone is somewhere, and I’m here, holding the aftertaste of togetherness.

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