To AYUSH....

I have never thought that I will write this ever that too for you. It has been so hard penning this but as promised to Alfaaz. I cannot find exact words to describe our friendship, our relationship, and my feelings for you. I guess it’s easy to cry, mourn, reminisce all the memories and think about our 10 years of friendship than writing about this. But I owe this to you….

Everyone who knows me in and out knows who is Ayush and how important he is/was for me…no one can replace his place in my heart... and no one can fill the void….  

I met Ayush or how I used to call him Juneja for the first time in Videocon and our first conversation is still fresh in mind. Whosoever knows us, they have heard ‘how I met Juneja story like zillion times. I used to make fun of him whenever I used to narrate our first-meeting story. 

I clearly remember our first meeting, I knocked at the engineering bay, asking for Ayush sir and this guy was sitting at the corner seat of a cramped-up space – a room full of engineers and Esha saproo. He looked like a younger version of my brother, Manan. His hair was set like a baniya, a little plump guy with a dimpled smile, bunny-teeth, wearing 0 power spectacles (I still think he used to wear specs because he wants everyone to take him seriously) looked up and said in a made-up harsh tone - Yes! How can I help you? Ayush had a very soft and melodious voice, but I still don’t know why he spoke to me like that day. He had a stern look on his face and gave me an attitude as if I was an intern and he was some tenured (manager-type) guy. I asked him about some mobile phone model, and he asked me to come back in 3-4 hours as he was busy. I went to him again after the said time and he was still in ‘I am busy’ mode and asked me to come the next day. This happened for one more day until my then boss, Manu, intervened and rest is a bag full of memories…             

Lil did I expect that Ayush was going to be my best friend for life. From that time, we shared everything that two best friends can share. From our 3 PM office coffee and maska-chaska to our post office shenanigans, from our unplanned weekend plans to our long phone calls, we had shared so many laughs. It was an unsaid rule between us that if he was supposed to make coffee, then he had to make two cups and buy any pack of biscuit to be devoured with the coffee. For me, he was my go-to person in terms of all my technology needs and if I needed some boy advice. I ate his brain so much for which phone/laptop/any other equipment to buy for me, for my brother, my dad, my falana-falana friend, or my cousins. I did that very recently too when my bhai had to change his phone. After all, these were a few perks of having an engineer friend who was crazy about gadgets.

For him, I guess I was the person he turned to when things got rough or he just wanted to experience some meaningless laughter. Only we could decipher our conversations and complete each other sentences and then we both would have fits of laughter. Only a few of our common friends could understand our maniac conversations, but for the rest of the world, we are just two stupid persons who just used to laugh and laugh for no reason. I knew all his secrets, desires, fears, and problems, personal and professional both. He was the same for me. We never had any secrets between us, never lied to each other and we were always brutally honest and full of love and respect for each other. He let me enter in the world of Ayush Juneja, in his mind and soul. So, did I.

He actually did an Art of Living happiness course because I asked him so. He never said no to me for anything. Be it, driving his new Linea when I was just a novice driver, or he had to drop me to my mausi’s place or chachi’s place in Nangloi or Vasantkunj like for zillion times. He was such an amazing yaaron ka yaar person… one time, I got stranded at AIIMS metro station at around 9 PM and called him asking what to do and he especially drove from Noida, leaving all his important work, just to drop me to Gurgaon. He never expected anything from anyone, he was such a selfless guy who just believed in giving. He was just the same for me and Pooja (his and mine both). I clearly remember all our days and phase - his hike days, his opera days, my Unitech days, my no-job phase, his first reaction when he spoke to Vinita for the first time, or when I met Shashank. We did drift apart for some time and to this date, I regret not attending his wedding because of a silly thing. But when I got an opportunity to go to Denmark (my first international trip), he was amongst the first ones to know. We buried the hatchet and spoke at length as if nothing had happened.  

In Gurgaon, he was my unofficial guardian, who took me in. He was my problem-solver, my friend, my lifeline. When I met with an accident at IFFCO Chowk, he was the first one to come to the hospital to see me and paid my bill because I was low on cash because of the high(hardly)-paying job at Videocon. From the last two days, I have remembered all our movies, dinners, drives and played all our conversations in my head…. thinking and thinking why? why you? I can still not believe that you are gone. I feel all this is a prank and you will message me saying… or moti, kya haal hai?

He always had an intelligent thing to say to me, among other so many non-sensical stuffs. He was so proud of my weight-loss journey and was so happy to see that I had changed my bad lifestyle. When I had my first breakup, he knew I would come out as a much stronger person and I did. He was one person who only spread smiles, he was a complete friend.

I am angry, sad, baffled and heartbroken, he has left a living mess for me, his family and all his friends. I don’t have the courage to speak to Vinita or aunty. Mivaan will never be able to see the fun side of his father who was a living legend. There could be no one like Ayush. A piece of our hearts left us forever on July 10 and we can never be able to mend our broken hearts.

I couldn’t meet him or speak to him, he just left us just like that. I know he will meet Shal in heaven now and they both will pop open a beer and talking about all the fun memories, creating new ones.

Everyone is telling me, and I am sure to his family too that he is in a better place, without pain... but we miss him terribly much. He left us emotionally vulnerable with a void in our hearts.

Ayush was a family away from family in this corporate jungle, he was my comfort. He was a special friend and amazing human being... one kind I guess God has stopped making now. He lived his life like a king, and he will always be remembered as one.

Thank you, Ayush, for impacting my life and making it rich with your friendship and love. Last time we spoke, you said Shal must be smoking some fun-stuff in heaven and I know you have gone there to check and keep some for me before Shal finishes all up. I am sure we will meet again, and I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again. I didn’t get the opportunity to say this but here you go... I love you, Juneja, with all my hearts!